


Alibis

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Developing Relationship, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eating Disorders, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mental Health Issues, and sometimes thats ok, and then it ran away with me, everyone has problems, i had an idea, in a mental institution but still, so be clear, which should be obvious considering this is an AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-01 15:57:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12708198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tony stares up at the large, imposing walls of the hospital and barely resists the urge to wrap his arms around himself like he used to when he was a child.He feels his mom’s hand land on his shoulder and he looks up at her. “This will be good for you, Tony,” she tells him and he can see that she thinks that’s true. That made one of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've had this idea lingering in my head for some time now and I finally decided to write it out. Originally this was supposed to be Steve/ Tony but after writing the first scene with James/ Tony I was like whoa, that has way more chemistry and then the idea grew on me like fast acting mould. So I went with it because I wasn't forcing a romance between two characters with less chemistry.
> 
> James- for those who have read my World War Me series- is familiar. To those who haven't he's basically all of Bucky's asshole traits and Bucky is basically all his post-WS sad traits with his sweetness mixed in. You'll definitely know each character by how they interact that's for sure. They aren't anything alike.
> 
> Ok- final thing. WARNINGS for mental health issues- I know its in the tags but just to be clear it's here too. Steve has an eating disorder, James/ Bucky have DID, and Tony's issues are examined later but will have warnings. And to be upfront I have limited experience with these conditions personally but did research on them and examined how each character would deal with their condition. Still, if you notice something is off feel free to let me know.

 

I don't know how to word it  
I just started to deserve it  
And all my, all my faces are alibis  
And me, I'm half the man I wanted to be

\- Marianas Trench

Tony stares up at the large, imposing walls of the hospital and barely resists the urge to wrap his arms around himself like he used to when he was a child. He feels his mom’s hand land on his shoulder and he looks up at her, surprised that she was still taller even after his growth spurt. Apparently he didn’t inherit either of his parent’s height.

“This will be good for you, Tony,” she tells him and he can see that she thinks that’s true.

He looks back up at the hospital that reminds him of pretty much every horror movie set in an asylum and he sighs. “Will it?” he asks himself more than her.

“Tony,” Maria says softly and he looks back at her. “You need _help_. I’ve known that for a long time and I’m sorry it took me so long to actually do something, but you need this. They’ll take good care of you here,” she says.

He can’t help but let out a short laugh, “mom you’re literally having me institutionalized. You’re all but throwing me in _prison_ against my will- this is the opposite of good for me,” he tells her and with that he walks off towards his new home because what the fuck else was he going to do? He wasn’t of age; he couldn’t sign himself out for another year. He hoped to god he managed to convince these people he wasn’t crazy long before then.

He knows more than sees that his mom follows him up the stairs and he blows past the reception desk when he gets in, not giving the poor guy there enough time to even get up to tell him he couldn’t go anywhere before he was gone again. He hears his mom quietly tell the guy who he was as he rounds the corner into a large living room like area. The room is clean, almost clinical in nature, and it looked more staged than anything. Even the other people in the room looked placed there by a photographer or something.

With a quick glance around he makes note to avoid several people and walks over to the far corner of the room where a small blonde that looked roughly Tony’s age was drawing something. “Hey,” he says and he drops down beside the other patient.

The blonde looks up and Tony almost reacts but manages to think better of it at the last minute. Someone needed to feed this guy better because he looked like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. He quickly glances around because he was _not_ down with being starved- he’s Italian; he and his people loved food. It was _important_ okay?

“Anorexia,” the guy says, his voice deeper than Tony expected but maybe that was because he looked so young.

“Uhh?” Tony asks, not sure how to react to that.

This earns him a sharp smile but Tony can’t tell it that’s because this guy’s face was so thin or if it was just the way his emotions showed on his face. “You learn to accept whatever it is you get diagnosed with here. And you basically had a panic looking around to see if I was the only starved one or not,” he says but amusement sparkles a little in his blue eyes. “Clearly you have no issues with food.”

No, he didn’t. “Uh, I’m Italian,” he says for lack of anything better. There was _no_ way he was accepting whatever the hell he got labeled with here.

The blonde raises an eyebrow, “is that relevant?” he asks.

Tony frowns, “yeah, because we love food. I love pasta more than most of my family,” he says and he’s surprised to find that he means it too. It helped that he hated most of his family so pasta didn’t have much to live up to.

The blonde snorts, “yeah I love pasta more than most of my family too,” he says.

Tony winces, “your family must suck,” he says and wonders if that entire exchange was some kind of next level insensitive. Something told him that brining up food to an anorexic was a fucking dumb idea. The blonde starts laughing though so Tony relaxes a little, at least pleased that he didn’t do something stupid within the first five seconds of being here.

“I’m Steve. Thanks for not making that weird, by the way. People act like jokes about anorexia will somehow make me worse or something,” he says and Tony laughs.

Yeah, he didn't agree that he somehow made that all less awkward but he'd take it anyways. “Oh no worries about that from me. I basically thrive off inappropriate jokes about serious matters. So, how long do people actually have to stay here?” he asks. He was hoping to be gone by the end of the week but something about the smile Steve gives him makes him feel like that wasn’t about to happen.

He shrugs, “as long as it takes for you to get better or until you turn eighteen and then you can sign yourself out unless they think you’re a danger to others. Then you get stick here anyways,” he says.

Tony wrinkles his nose, “gross. How do I go about convincing a therapist I’m not crazy, no offense,” he throws in, remembering that technically Steve counted as crazy. Tony couldn’t disagree because he loved food, he could never understand why anyone would ever try to avoid it.

Steve smiles but there’s a bit of an edge to it, “you don’t. The people here are good, trust me. I’ve been trying to convince them I’m fine for almost a year,” he says.

“Well, you have some visual cues to prove that isn’t true. No offense,” he says again and he gets the feeling that’s going to be a popular phrase of his, especially when Steve glares at him. “Just saying. I, on the other hand, look like a perfectly well adjusted teenager so I think my chances at convincing these people I’m not a nut case might be a bit better. Or I hope they will be. No offense,” he says again.

“Yeah, they won’t be putting you in group therapy. You’re shitty at talking to people. What landed you in here anyways? This isn’t the kind of hospital that’ll take you in just because you’re rich and feel like you have problems,” Steve says. When Tony’s eyebrows draw together Steve gestures to the watch on his wrist- a Rolex. It was Obadiah’s but he gave it to Tony with some stupid promise to give it back when he was better. He wasn’t even _sick_.

He leans back on his hands, “nothing. My parents convinced these people something was wrong with me. Well, my mom.” That isn’t exactly true but he still maintained that he had no problems regardless of what other people thought.

Steve smiles, “something must be wrong with you, whether you admit it or not. Sadly I have therapy though so I’ll see you around,” he says and with that Steve gets up, sways a little from obvious light-headedness, and leaves. Tony looks out the window Steve had been looking out of and sighs, getting the feeling that he was _really_ going to hate it here.

*

Tony at least got his own room and it wasn’t a padded cell so there was that. It sort of reminded him of the room he used to share with Rhodey at MIT actually. Rhodey. He already missed his best friend but he also put a real damper on that friendship when he told Rhodey to fuck off for agreeing with his mom that he should get sent off to some mental hospital. He knew Rhodey was worried about him but it didn’t make him feel much better.

“You’ll do fine here, you always manage to make the best of your situation,” Maria says softly from behind him and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Oh yeah, I’m a real optimist, and really well adjusted too. That’s why I’m being committed,” he says sarcastically. What he really wants to do is hug his mom, to take comfort in her presence but he can’t bring himself to do it. Instead he does what he always does when he’s in a situation like this- he acts like an asshole. He wonders if that was yet another way that he was like Howard but he also knows that he has no interest in finding out whether or not that’s true. The only reason the thought even crossed his mind was because he liked to try and find ways to make Howard seem less horrible than he was. If he was like Tony, he reasons, than maybe he didn’t hate Tony as much as he claimed he did.

“Tony,” Maria says again and he shakes his head.

“Would you just leave me in the nut house already? Might as well get this over with,” he mumbles more to himself than her. He wonders if he can break out or something, but then where would he go? Everyone knew who he was, Rhodey would send him back, his mom was the one that sent him here to begin with. Oddly enough the only one likely to not send him off was Howard, who thought this whole thing was ridiculous anyways. Tony has seen his parents fight many, _many_ times but he rarely saw his mother fight back and he’s only ever seen her win the argument once. And break Howard’s nose in the mean time. Despite the results of that being his involuntary enrollment in a mental hospital Tony couldn’t help but be happy about the small victory for his mother. Usually she just took the brunt of Howard’s abuse and moved on. The implication, Tony guessed, was that she must really love her son.

So why did he have such a hard time believing that was true?

Maria sighs, “alright, Tony. Please call,” she says and then she goes. When she’s out of sight Tony sits on the edge of his bed and drops his head into his hands and he lets out a deep sigh that almost resembles a sob. He manages to keep the tears in though, even if he wants to cry more than anything.

“You alright?” someone asks and Tony looks up to see a tall brunette in the doorway.

Tony snorts, “I’ve been involuntarily committed, I’m peachy fucking keen,” he says and the brunette laughs.

“Yeah, I think I’ll like you,” he says and he walks in with no regard for Tony’s personal space apparently. “You must be rich,” he says as he looks out the window. The view was better than what Tony was expecting but what Tony expected was bars and grey clouds that permeated near every horror movie so that wasn’t saying much.

“Is that relevant?” Tony asks, already exhausted with this interaction.

The brunette shrugs, “not really, but my view is of the other side of the building and the window I face houses an old man who likes to flash so tennis courts are much preferred to wrinkly old man dick,” he says and Tony can’t help the small giggle he lets out.

“Sorry man, but that’s funny,” he says.

“To you,” the brunette mumbles. “So, what are you in for?” he asks.

Apparently that was popular here given that this was basically the first subject Steve brought up too. “Dunno, don’t have any official diagnosis,” he says honestly. “Not that I should have any,” he adds.

The brunette laughs, “oh you’re one of _those_. You’ll come to terms with your crazy eventually- mad pride!” he says in a totally unironic way. “Don’t look at me like that, I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, the entire world collectively decided that diagnosis made me a serial killer, if I didn’t take some kind of pride in it that judgment alone would eat me alive. That, and it’s pretty fun to tell the normies you’re crazy just to watch ‘em squirm,” he says and he laughs.

Jesus fuck Tony was going to die here or actually go nuts. “What the hell is that thing you said you had?” he asks because dissoci-whatever made no fucking sense to him.

The brunette rolls his eyes, “multiple personality disorder, dumbass. Except you know, the updated fancy version you’d find in the newer DSMs.”

“DS- _what_?” Tony asks, frowning.

This gets him another eye roll, “oh man, someone is going to have to teach you the psychobabble. Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Health, keep up,” the brunette tells him. “Its about to become your bible.”

“I’m atheist,” Tony says automatically because it was true but his companion lets out another sharp laugh that, as far as Tony could tell, seemed to be linked to his weird ass personality rather than his mental health. He _thinks_.

“Yeah, I was definitely right about liking you. I’m James, by the way,” he says.

“Tony,” he offers back. “So like… are you the original or?” he asks, deciding that curtsey was stupid because he wanted to know. Also this guy walked into his room with no invitation and then implied he was nuts so he felt like he was owed one.

James lets out a small, surprised noise that’s almost a laugh, “at least your blunt. Most people skirt around that question but no, I’m the one they deem a problem. I mean who cares that Bucky basically never appears and I have my own life, they all want Bucky back and me gone. I wonder if they know that’s murder,” he says almost more to himself than Tony. “Guess it doesn’t count they consider your existence a mental problem.” James shrugs and looks back out the window.

Yikes. Compare to this guy, who was literally considered a mental health problem to be solved, Tony’s life was a cakewalk. “Yeah, clearly I don’t need to be here,” he mumbles more to himself than James.

James turns back to look at him, “if they took you in you need to be here. They aren’t easily bribed with money,” he says.

Tony snorts, “my parents are billionaires- if I’ve learned anything in my seventeen years around them it’s that everyone has a price.” He wished it wasn’t true but he wasn’t completely ignorant to others’ situations- everyone needed money and if someone offered you enough… well. It was only natural to take it; sometimes that person even needed that money because they had nothing else. But even the rich had a price they were willing to pay to look in whatever direction the person paying them wanted them to look.

“Sure,” James agrees, “yours was your sanity.”

*

“Is there like… a Wi-Fi password here or something?” Tony asks, sitting across from Steve at dinner.

Steve snorts and starts laughing, not realizing Tony was serious until he looks at his face. “Oh, you actually expected internet. No, internet privileges are monitored,” he says.

Tony looks so unbelievably offended that Steve almost laughs again but he manages to keep it in. “These people are _assholes_ ,” he hisses, obviously not appreciating Steve’s answer.

He shrugs, “in their defense there are plenty of people here that really shouldn’t be trusted with the Internet.” He was probably one of them at least to the staff. Steve didn’t blame them for the lack of trust but he never could bring himself to go to any pro ana websites. Maybe it was because he had been mostly self aware when things went too far and he just couldn’t inflict this on someone else, which was basically what those sites did. Not that he would have minded the tips to get around people noticing his lack of food intake. He’s always been small; it probably took people longer to notice he had even lost weight anyways but if he hid it better he wouldn’t be here.

“What the hell kind of damage could I possibly do to myself on the internet?” Tony asks, throwing a hand up in annoyance.

Steve laughs, “you can’t be serious about that. Come on, use your head. I’m sure you can think up a few reasons not to avoid giving certain people access to the Internet. Honestly the porn alone would be a problem and that’s before considering people purposefully or accidentally aggravating their mental health conditions. Besides, you do get access if your therapist thinks you can handle it without irritating your condition,” he says. Peggy obviously didn’t think that was true for him but he didn’t really care either way. He got TV now so that was cool, it wasn’t like he ever had cable at home and he mostly avoided food related anything when he watched things. It wasn’t easy but he managed.

“So I can use the internet if some twit with a degree in fake science gives the arbitrary opinion that I’m not going to look up ways to die on the Internet? They _do_ know that I’m a tech genius and that I could easily erase any browsing history, right?” Tony asks, looking annoyed.

“No internet for you, then,” Steve singsongs, earning a dirty looks from Tony. “What? They aren’t going to be stupid enough to let you near _any_ technology if they think you’ll misuse it. Kiss fun goodbye,” he says and Tony flips him off.

He rolls his eyes, “I’m sure I can sweet talk the nurses into letting you watch TV with me, relax. They aren’t ridiculously strict here; they just don’t want the patients doing anything they aren’t ready for. Or purposefully aggravating their conditions.” That had been how James got himself banned from damn near everything mostly because he _insisted_ on being a jackass and his attempts to pretend to be Bucky to get the privileges back went terribly. It helped that he and Bucky were near opposites on any personality spectrum so no one was easily fooled.

Tony slumps in his seat, “I can’t believe there’s no god damn Wi-Fi here. Fuck, being committed sucks,” he mumbles.

“Did you really expect it to be fun?” Steve asks, raising an eyebrow.

Tony rolls his eyes at him, “no, but I at least expected some damn Wi-Fi, I’m not living in the Middle Ages. Now I have to live like a goddamn cave man. Next thing you know I’m going to be scouring bushes for berries.”

Steve cracks up, laughing at Tony’s ridiculous dramatics. “Oh man, you really have a flair for the dramatic. Chill, you’re not going to be hunting bears any time soon, I’m sure you can live without the Wi-Fi,” he says honestly. He wondered if Tony has lived without anything he wanted ever. The rich didn’t typically have to worry about things that they wanted, they had the money to buy most of that stuff already. This was probably the first time Tony has ever had to live without amenities he was used to.

“You can’t possibly tell me you’re totally fine with this,” Tony says, giving Steve an irritated look.

He shrugs, “my ma was always too poor to afford Internet so this really isn’t anything I wasn’t already used to.” She couldn’t afford cable either, or most other ‘extras’ so a lot of the things he got to do here were new to him.

“How the hell can you afford to be here if your mom can’t even pay for Internet?” Tony asks, apparently unafraid to ask personal questions.

“She came into some money and decided to waste it on sending me here,” he says in a tone that was far more bitter than he intended it to be.

Tony gives him a skeptical once over, “pretty sure she put that money to good use but alright. So, anything else I need to know about living here seems how I’m expected to basically live in a hunter gatherer society?” Tony asks and Steve rolls his eyes.

“You really need to rein in the drama, buddy. You’re not going to die without Wi-Fi. But to answer your question avoid Zola like the fucking plague, he should probably be a _patient_ here, not a doctor. If you run into Matheson you’ll know but try not to run into Matheson- he’s harmless but mostly naked. Pretty sure he claims he’s a nudist but he’s from Canada originally and we all know Canadians aren’t naked in the winter. The food sucks, don’t bother with the video games they’re all stupid, and if James propositions you don’t take him up on it,” he says.

“James? As in tall, dark, and hot? Think I met him earlier but he went on some weird rants and mentioned a wrinkly old dude who likes to flash- any relation to this Matheson?” Tony asks.

Steve sighs, “no, that’s a different guy. James’ room faces a different section of the hospital so uh… he gets a view. Do yourself a favor and stay away from James though, he likes to think he’s cool and edgy but he’s mostly just an asshole.” Steve had a bias thanks to his friendship with Bucky but still. It was no reason for James to intentionally aggravate everyone around him so when Bucky was around he got a bunch of reactions from people he didn’t understand thanks to having no memory of the events James set in motion.

Given the look on Tony’s face he was going to do the opposite of Steve’s advice, which irritated him but he’d learn just like everyone else did that James was nothing but trouble. “So,” Tony says, “not to be an insensitive prick but does the food actually suck or is that something you think because… well you know,” he says, giving Steve a _look_.

He rolls his eyes, “one, you didn’t succeed in not being an insensitive prick. And two- I’m anorexic, not lacking taste buds. I remember what good food tastes like and the crap they serve here isn’t it.”

Tony smiles, “great, so now that I’ve made things sufficiently awkward I’m going to go. See ya, Steve,” he says, waving over his shoulder as he went.

*

When James meets Tony again he’s outside trying to climb a tree at three in the morning and he looks ridiculous. “I know you’re short but you can definitely reach that first branch if you jumped,” he says, nodding to a low hanging branch Tony was standing under. Tony looks up at it and shakes his head.

“Whatever. So how come you’re awake this late?” he asks. “Also they don’t lock us in our rooms at night?”

James rolls his eyes, “this is a mental hospital, not a prison. Or a horror movie. So no, we aren’t locked in our rooms at night unless we’re considered a danger to ourselves or others. Then you get stuck in observation, which sucks so do yourself a favor and avoid being stuck on a risk list. How come _you’re_ awake this late?” he asks, skirting Tony’s first question. He wasn’t sure if it was biological or if it was just one of his many mental problems but he had a nasty case of insomnia, always had. Bucky could sleep like the dead but James would probably die before he slept. Usually if he passed out from exhaustion Bucky took over for awhile, but these days he was good at catching a few hours of sleep at least and it proved to be a good way to avoid Bucky’s presence in his life. It was a decent enough motivation to stare at the ceiling for hours until he fell into a fitful sleep.

Tony shrugs, “I have insomnia, always have. I don’t even remember sleeping well as a kid and it’s mostly gotten worse the older I got. Gives me more time in a day though,” he says, lips twitching up a little. James shakes his head, laughing.

“Shitty trade off, feeling tired all the time but having more hours in a day to do… whatever it is you do.” It strikes him that he wondered _what_ Tony did. Usually he didn’t really care but Tony was the first person he met that didn’t flinch when he said he had more than one person in his head and despite his cagy looks back in his room James was certain that was because he went a little personal there rather than Tony having some kind of fear of him. Even Steve, who wasn’t afraid of him in the least, still treated him like a problem. James didn’t think it was too much to want to be treated like a person instead of a condition but apparently everyone else disagreed. Tony didn’t seem likely to follow the only pattern James has ever known and it made him intriguing.

“I invent mostly. Not that I can do that here given that I’m not allowed to be near anything sharp and pointy. I don’t even have _light bulbs_ in my room. I did get these cool looking lights for my night stand though so I guess that isn’t too much of a hardship,” he says, shrugging.

James frowns, “you don’t get _light bulbs_? Dude, even _I_ get light bulbs,” he says. Tony flips him off and he shrugs, “I’m sure you’ll get them back eventually.”

Tony just sighs, “well now that I know everyone _else_ gets light bulbs… What kind of things can we even _do_ here at night? Nurse Ratched already gave me _looks_ for snooping around inside so I came out here to… mostly look like an idiot climbing this tree,” Tony says, nodding at the offending plant in front of him.

“Wanna watch a scary movie that takes place in an asylum? Double points for being mental patients in an asylum,” he says, grinning.

Tony considers it for a moment before he shrugs. “Fuck, I hate horror but I’ve got nothing better to do. They seriously leave horror movies about mental patients lying around?” Tony asks and James’ lips tip up in a smile. No, they definitely didn’t but that didn’t mean he couldn’t find any.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony wakes up to a tall red head standing over him and a sore back. Actually he had a sore everything but mostly his back was causing his pain at the moment. “What?” he mumbles at her, one eye cracked open. He realizes too late he’s half asleep with his head resting on James’ chest, James’ stolen laptop in his lap. Tony had no proof it was stolen but he had his suspicions. Either way Tony had easily been able to attach himself to a nearby Wi-Fi source though he knew James knew how to do it himself. How else would he watch his creepy horror shit online if he couldn’t connect to the Internet? He was curious as to why James let him toy with the computer but he wasn’t complaining either. Tony already missed technology and he’s barely been a day without it.

“My name is doctor Pepper Pots, and you’re now my patient. Apparently the warning that you would find trouble immediately wasn’t unfounded,” she says, looking at the now stirring James.

James was hardly _that_ bad but when Tony says that he gets a skeptical look and Pepper informs him that he’s due for therapy which, ugh. “Can I like… skip a session? You know, settle in a little before anyone tries to pick my brain and subject me to electroshock therapy,” he says.

Pepper frowns, “electroshock therapy?” she asks, looking confused.

James snickers, “he’s really dramatic and he’s seen one too many horror movies even if he obviously doesn’t like them. Pretty sure you’re going to have a fun time with this one,” he says and he takes off, fucking _abandoning_ Tony with this redheaded rando. It isn’t until James is fully out of sight that he remembers that laptop was contraband here so he was probably running off to stash it. He felt less annoyed with James after that and he turns to Pepper.

“None of that is true,” Tony lies to Pepper, who smiles.

“Your mother and I had a long chat, I know its true. She says that you use grand gestures and dramatics to hide how you really feel,” she says, apparently cutting to the chase.

“Don’t I have to be on a couch in a small room with a box of tissues before you start psychoanalyzing me?” he asks.

Pepper smiles, “and apparently jokes, too. But, for the record, I think Freud was a sex-obsessed cokehead who was far more demented than any of his patients. He may have had some interesting theories of the mind but the man _clearly_ had issues,” she says and Tony lets out a small snort against his will. He had no idea if any of that was true given that he mostly only knew Freud was a psychologist with no familiarity with his theories but it was funny nonetheless. Maybe that’s why he gave Pepper minimal trouble when they make their way to her office or whatever.

It ends up being a lot less plain than Tony thought it’d be- Pepper’s presence was written all over the walls from the color scheme to the tasteful paintings that hung around the room. “Is that a real Picasso? If it isn’t its an impressive fake,” he says, nodding to a painting across the room from his spot on- to no one’s surprise- a couch.

Pepper raises an eyebrow, “you’re familiar with art?” she asks.

He shrugs, “my knowledge of art is passable. I have to real appreciation or respect for it,” he says partially because it’s true and partially because he has an odd compulsion to undo all the knowledge his mom gave Pepper immediately by insulting her. People drew quick judgments- usually harsh judgments- when they were personally attacked and once that happened they made little effort to understand the person in front of them. He’s used this tactic before, many times actually, and it worked well. Though in his defense there was no world in which he would have ever been anything less than unpleasant to Justin Hammer so it was real dislike that time.

“Given that you were able to identify a Picasso- it is real by the way- in under five minutes when it’s his early work I’d say your knowledge is more than passable. Why devalue you obviously above knowledge of art? I’ve watched several interviews you’ve done and talked to your mother- both tell me you have no qualms taking credit for your intelligence so what makes art different? Aside from a distaste for it?” she asks, head cocked to the side.

Well okay apparently she wasn’t easily insulted or maybe she thought Tony didn’t mean it. He did- art was a useless subject that did little for… anything really. Who cared about paintings aside from pretentious art assholes who thought they were a big deal when they were actually total pricks? But Pepper’s question is good and he actually thinks about it for a moment, giving it the time it deserved.

“I don’t like talking about things I don’t have any interest in like I’m an expert even if I have knowledge of them, I guess. Why would I talk about art if I have no respect for it even if I do know some stuff about the subject?” he asks, shrugging. Besides, he really didn’t know that much about art at all. He probably only recognized the painting because he saw it somewhere in an art catalogue and he has an eidetic memory- that wasn’t impressive so much as his normal. When he tells Pepper this she raises an eyebrow. “What’s that for?” he asks, irritated with her reactions to him.

“You’re a genius engineer,” she points out and he rolls his eyes.

“Wow, you really put that PhD to use there,” he mumbles.

“I mean that engineering comes easily to you, it’s your norm but you take a lot of pride in it. you claim your knowledge of art is unimpressive because you memory is natural to you but that contradicts with your opinions on your own engineering skills, which come far more naturally to you than art knowledge,” she points out.

He rubs his temples, “is there a point to all this ridiculous questioning?” he asks.

Pepper smiles, “yes there is. Answer the question.”

More to humor her than anything he thinks about it but he has no real answer. It was a gap in the continuity of his opinions for no real reason. “I like engineering and I think it’s useful, I think art is useless and that most artists and art lovers are pretentious self important dickheads. That’s the best I can do for you,” he says, shrugging flippantly.

His response earns a small laugh from Pepper and he glares at her for it, “sorry- most artists and art lovers would say the same about people in STEM careers. You’re both right, by the way.”

Yeah, he didn’t care about what artists thought of him- he was the one who was the heir to a multimillion dollar company and they had what? Some canvases and the hopes and dreams of an already dead career? Clearly he was winning. “So what’s the point of all this ridiculous questioning? Doesn’t seem very psychological to me, literally anyone could do this stuff,” he points out. Pepper’s questions, despite their intimacy, were things that anyone would ask in the ‘getting to know you’ stage of a relationship. That didn’t require a degree and it didn’t get you a job in an overly prestigious mental health facility so how come Pepper was here?

She examines him for a moment and leans forward in her chair, “I want to know what you think- _how_ you think. Asking you questions and getting you to question your own motives is the easiest way to gain knowledge, in your own words, on how your mind works. Knowing how you think will help in how I treat you,” she says.

A simple, straightforward answer. Not exactly what he was expecting from a shrink but he’d take it. “One- why even tell me that? Two- literally anyone can do what you just did so what makes you so special?” he asks.

Pepper smiles, “your mother understated your bluntness, but she did emphasis your need to know how things work and why. From my observations your need to know why things are happening and their use is extremely important to you- so much so that you immediately dismiss and lose respect for things that you find useless. You determine value by functionality; by usefulness- my guess is that this stems from a lifetime of growing up in a household that emphasized capitalist assumptions of practicality. Capitalism finds no value in art but there _is_ a value in technology- one makes money and the other supposedly doesn’t. You show a clear emotional intelligence but you only use it in an attempt to get people to view you a certain way- probably something else you picked up from the people around you- most notably your father-”

Tony cuts her off there, “I am _nothing_ like my father,” he snaps and she smiles like she just won something.

“-And your similarities to your father, despite their abundance, will always be something you deny because you loath the man, but you also want his approval,” she says. “Tell me, can your friends give you that accurate of an analysis of your actions in,” she looks at the clock, “fifty minutes?”

“You can’t possibly know anything about what I think of Howard,” he tells her, annoyed in part because she wasn’t wrong even if he got lost on that capitalist thing but mostly because he was pissed off at the comparison to his father.

Pepper smiles at him again and he’s stopped seeing it as something she did out of any kind of pleasantness. “Even if I didn’t watch several interviews where you insulted the man and outright stated that he abused you only to be, literally, laughed off like your blasé mentions of your father’s abuse were funny I would have gathered the same conclusion from your reaction to my comparing you to him. You call him ‘Howard’,” she says.

He rolls his eyes, “and that’s relevant _why_?” he asks, irritated that he’s once again proven her words right by needing to know why she thought that. Goddanmit.

“Do you know many people who call their parents by their first names? It’s an immediate sign that you have no respect for him,” she says.

Well good on her for being Captain Obvious. “And that shit about wanting his approval? Because none of this,” he gestures around, “was to get his attention if that’s what you think.” He wouldn’t look Tony’s way if he lit himself on fire and ran around naked and he probably wouldn’t even piss on Tony to put the fire out. The hatred he had for Howard, Tony thinks, is mutual.

Pepper surprises him by agreeing. “Don’t look so surprised. I told you I watched interviews with you- if Howard’s attention was to be caught by your actions it would have been when you outed to the whole world that he abused his own child. I don’t know your motivations for what you did, but I intend to find them and hopefully ensure that whatever you were thinking you know how to deal with it next time,” she says in a surprisingly soft tone. She means that, or at least she thinks she does Tony realizes.

He frowns, “next time?” he asks.

This time Pepper’s smile is sad, more like she’s pulling up the corners of her lips out of habit instead of genuine feeling. “Mental illness doesn’t go away and even if everything that’s public knowledge about you wasn’t a shriek for help your latest misadventures certainly were,” she says. “My goal is to teach you how to develop healthy coping mechanisms so you can function at your best.”

At his best. Funny she said that considering he was probably one of the most successful people his age with two Bachelors degrees, three Masters degrees, a PhD and another in the works. _You determine value by functionality; by usefulness- my guess is that this stems from a lifetime of growing up in a household that emphasized capitalist assumptions of practicality…_ Pepper’s words float back to him and he sighs, seeing her point laid out in his thought process. No, he guessed, his friends- however few there were- couldn’t determine any of that about him in any amount of time let alone fifty minutes.

*

James didn’t hate Sam, which was probably one of the most positive opinions he’s held about anyone ever. That didn’t mean he liked Sam poking around in his head though, and it definitely didn’t mean he was cooperative. “You seem to have taken a shining to Tony Stark,” Sam says eventually. He always got bored of the silent treatment first and James sighs.

“So what?” he asks, head tilted to the side and arms crossed over his chest.

Sam keeps his gaze for a few moments before he breaks the silence again. “What is it about Tony that you’ve taken an interest in? Usually you don’t find people all that palatable,” he points out. No, he didn’t. People were boring, tedious, and annoying to him. Tony was none of those things so James found him interesting.

He and Sam stare at each other for a long few moments before he answers Sam’s question. “I want to know stuff about Tony,” he says simply.

This earns him an eyebrow raise from Sam. “That’s unusual. What do you want to know about him?” he asks.

Unusual, James thinks, because he’s sure Sam’s sure that he’s a sociopath. He liked to keep that one to himself in part because he didn’t think it was true but mostly because he didn’t want it to be true. He already had one scary diagnosis- and technically his existence _was_ the diagnosis- he didn’t want two. But he also didn’t have an interest in playing stupid games with psychiatrists or psychologists so they could figure out where his brain went wrong. Truthfully he didn’t care.

But Sam sits there staring at him so finally he rolls his eyes and decides to answer. “Normal stuff I guess. What his favorite color is, if he likes pie, his opinion on the current president, stuff like that. And I want to know why he thinks those things- especially if he doesn’t like pie. What kind of mongrel doesn’t like pie?” he asks more to himself than Sam.

“I don’t like pie,” Sam says and for a moment James thinks it’s a joke but Sam looks dead serious.

“Then you should be a patient here,” he mumbles. Pie was fucking awesome, who didn’t like it? Aside from Sam The Freak obviously.

“So you want to know relatively mundane things about Tony,” Sam says, “what makes him different than the people you deem unworthy of your time?”

Literally everything but James doesn’t know how to word that Tony wasn’t afraid to be an asshole. When people asked him questions, the personal kind, about his condition there were two usual motivations. One was to prove he was faking it and the second was to turn him into a freak show. He was weird and unusual and he got that, really, but he wasn’t a fucking science experiment to be poked at until people understood him. When Tony asked things it was mostly just…

“He’s blunt. To the point. There’s no pussyfooting around things with him and I like that. People like to treat me like a sideshow when they ask me stuff, he just wants an answer. And he’s hot.” Unfairly attractive really- seventeen year old boys were supposed to look like puberty disasters not walking talking magazine pictures. He’s been tempted to purposefully drop something just to look at Tony’s ass when he bent over to pick it up but even he had to admit that was a little creepy.

“Steve is blunt,” Sam says.

James rolls his eyes, “Steve is a self righteous asshole.” And he didn’t like James much, probably because he liked Bucky for some stupid reason. Bucky was boring and fucked up, James might share half of those traits but it wasn’t the uninteresting half.

“You say people treat you like a side show, what do you mean by that?” Sam asks, apparently switching tactics.

“Exactly what’s on the tin, smartass. It’s not like I’ve never complained about it before,” he says.

Sam raises an eyebrow, “you haven’t to me,” he points out.

Hadn’t he? Whatever, it didn’t matter anyways. “So?” he asks, arms crossed over his chest with a defiant look on his face. The metal of his left arm felt cold to the touch. It never was warm, even in the summer.

“So,” Sam says, “if you feel like some kind of science experiment in this room it would explain your lack of progress. Is there something I should know?” he asks and to his credit he looks genuinely concerned.

Somehow he didn’t doubt that Sam cared. Sometimes, if Bucky wasn’t thinking too hard, James saw things through his eyes. Sam was nice to him, but he didn’t like James much. “You don’t treat me like a science experiment,” he says. He treated James like a problem to be solved instead but he doesn’t say that.

They sit in silence for a few more minutes before Sam sighs, “then what’s the problem, James? Something isn’t right.” Sam was perceptive, James would give him that, but their time was up so he tells Sam that and gets up, walking out before Sam can respond. He wanders through the hallways with no real goal in mind aside from escaping Sam when he runs into Tony. He looks like his session went about as well as James’.

“I’m going to guess there’s no booze in this hell hole, but can you find any?” he asks, blunt and to the point as always.

James grins, “unhealthy coping mechanisms are my specialty, follow me,” he says.

Tony squints at him, “unhealthy _what_?” he asks.

James rolls his eyes, “unhealthy coping mechanisms- you know, drinking the pain away instead of actually dealing with it. very frowned upon here but I have a guy that owes me a favor and that favor is about to come in the form of whisky,” he says.

“This psychobabble shit is annoying,” Tony mumbles. Yeah, didn’t James know it.


	3. Chapter 3

“So,” Steve says as he sits next to Tony on the couch in the living room area, “anyone coming to visit you today?” he asks.

He shrugs because he had no idea. He already knew his mom wasn’t coming; she had some charity thing she mentioned when they talked on the phone the other day. Pepper apparently didn’t think phone calls were going to kill him but he was banned from basically any other technology so where ever James got that laptop that was all he had. It was depressing because the fucking thing was Hammer tech and looking at it made Tony want to simultaneously hail it and kill himself. He couldn’t believe he was reduced to contraband _Hammer tech_. If these people wanted him to get better, whatever the hell that was, they’d let him have his tech back. It was _important_.

Steve gives him a weird look though; drawing his attention back to him and the conversation he started. “Dude, you’re a celebrity, how the hell can you not know if anyone is visiting you?” he asks.

Right, Tony forgot about that given that no one really treated him differently here. He’s never been normal and he was usually quite pleased with that but he had to admit the quietness of the hospital was nice. Usually he had to go to the lab for that tranquility. The problem was that there was nothing else to do here except for therapy and he wasn’t doing more of that than what he needed to. Boredom has always been his worst enemy.

He shrugs again at Steve, “my mom has some charity thing and I don’t really have friends. I doubt they’d let fans in,” he says. Or he hoped not. It wasn’t that he disliked fans; it was that he thought their extreme devotion to him was weird and a little creepy. Maybe it was because they treated him like a god when he was all too aware that he was only human, or maybe it was just all the noise and flashing of cameras that got him- either way fans got exhausting fast even if he appreciated their support.

Steve’s eyebrows climb high, “you don’t have friends. How is that possible? The first thing you did when you got here was make friends.”

No, the first thing he did when he got here was ignore the rules to do what he wanted and find a distraction, which happened to be Steve. “I’ve never been good at making friends,” he says honesty.

“You seem to do just fine here,” Steve points out.

“Probably because here people don’t seem to care how famous I am or how rich I am,” he snaps, his tone unintentionally taking a sharp edge that obviously throws Steve off.

He frowns and stays quiet for a long few moments, “is that a problem with you, people… caring about your fame or money?” he asks.

Only someone who truly didn’t care would ask that. Rhodey had and he looked just as confused as Steve does now. “Yeah, people care. Have you ever heard someone talk about a celebrity? I know you aren’t so poor that you missed out on celebrity gossip,” he says. That shit traveled _fast_.

Steve rolls his eyes at Tony, “yeah, yeah, I’ve heard celebrity gossip but I don’t pay any attention to it. It’s all bullshit anyways. Seriously though, you have to have friends.”

No, not really. “Technically I have one but I pretty much told him in no uncertain terms to never speak to me again so uh, there went that.”

“Self-destructive tendencies. Nice,” Steve says, nodding.

Tony squints at him, “what does that even meant?” Everyone around here, James included, seemed to know a whole lot more about psychology than he did. Exposure, James told him, did wonders.

“It means that you go out of your way to destroy the things around you as a method of self harm. I’m sure Pepper will bring that up to you at some point,” Steve tells him.

He rolls his eyes, “wow, even the patients here are experts. Congratulations on you degree,” he says sarcastically.

He isn’t sure what he’s expecting but it isn’t for Steve to laugh and shake his head. “Wow, you went right for the throat. I’ve never seen someone prove my point so fast, congrats on basically being a psych text book example,” he says, snickering.

“ _What_?” Tony asks, frowning.

“You didn’t like that I hit too close to home so you lashed out with an insult. It won’t work well here, not when we all know the tips and tricks. Don’t forget that you aren’t the only fucked up one here, Stark. We all do that stuff too,” he says. He looks behind Tony and smiles, “I gotta go though, my mom’s here.” With that he leaves and Tony sighs, curling his legs to his chest and carefully wrapping his arms around them. He fucking hated this place.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately depending on how he took it, he wasn’t left there long. Someone comes to get him to inform him that he had a visitor. Confused, Tony gets up and follows the person to what he presumed was the visiting room. It looked considerably less nice than everything else but that was probably because it was only furnished with tables and chairs rather than the pretty furniture that lingered everywhere else. Tony finds his visitor pretty much right away because… well probably because he was attuned to Rhodey’s presence. He all but runs over and, lucky for Rhodey, he stands just as Tony throws his arms around him, hugging him tightly.

Rhodey hugs him back; shockingly considering Tony wasn’t exactly pleasant to him before he got stuffed in here. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbles into Rhodey’s chest.

“I know you are,” Rhodey says softly, gently rubbing Tony’s back even though he didn’t deserve it. They stay there like that for a long few moments before Tony finally pulls away, his cheeks wet. “How are you, Tony? Be honest,” Rhodey says like Tony would be anything else. Well, ok, maybe his skepticism wasn’t unearned but Tony wasn’t about to lie about hating it here.

“I fucking hate this place, everyone keeps psychoanalyzing me,” he blurts out.

Rhodey, because he’s an asshole and maybe Tony earned it a little bit, starts laughing. “Don’t look at me with that kicked puppy face- it’s a mental hospital, what the hell did you expect?” he asks.

Tony crosses his arms and winces a little, “not for the patients to fucking psychoanalyze me too. _Everyone_ knows all this psychobabble bullshit and it’s annoying.” He can feel himself pouting, which really only encourages Rhodey to laugh again and shake his head.

“Well yeah, if they’ve all been here awhile they probably recognize behaviors they do and what their psychologists said about them. That’s not like… super weird,” Rhodey says.

He’s right of course but that doesn’t mean Tony had to like it. “It’s still annoying. I just want to talk like a normal human and here Steve comes with some crazy shit about self-destructive tendencies. Whatever. Why- not that I’m not grateful- but why are you here?” he asks. He wouldn’t have shown up here if he were Rhodey. That had… well that had been the point even if he had regretted his words pretty much as soon as Rhodey had left his hospital bed.

Rhodey sighs, “I thought about not coming, I’ll be honest. But you’re my best friend and you did some stupid shit sure, but you were scared. I get that even if you were an asshole about it.” Yeah, he was and that was putting it politely. Tony looks away and Rhodey sighs again. “Mom took your side,” he says and Tony’s head whips back up to stare at Rhodey in shock because his mother’s dislike of Tony was well documented and whatever everyone else thought of his latest stunt Rhodey’s mother wouldn’t be likely to have the same pity everyone else would.

“She _what_?” Tony asks for lack of a better response.

“She took your side. I mean I wasn’t expecting that but she made a good point- I mean if I were in your place and someone found me… I probably wouldn’t have reacted well either. Even if you had good intentions.” Rhodey looks guilty now not that he needed to be, Tony was the one who acted like a major dickhead. He wasn’t wrong in saying he was freaked out but that was no excuse to bitch Rhodey out basically for giving a shit about him.

“Doesn’t make it right,” Tony mumbles, looking back at the ground.

“No,” Rhodey agrees, “but it does make it understandable, and the fact that you’re actually sorry makes it forgivable. And I’m sorry for pressing things with you, I shouldn’t have.”

Tony wonders if Pepper would agree with Rhodey there. Everyone seemed to agree that shoving him into a situation he wanted nothing to do with would somehow improve his mental health but he had some serious doubts about that. He smiles at Rhodey though, even if he doesn’t quite feel it, “its fine. I’d probably push me too if I were you.” And he would- he didn’t do subtle well and if he thought he knew a solution to a problem he was well known to be difficult until he got his way. In his defense he was usually right in his assumptions. “So,” Tony says to change the subject, “how are things at home?” As soon as he says it he knows it’s a stupid subject to change to- he should have asked about literally anything else- but it was too late and Rhodey is already rolling his eyes.

“Pretty much the same. I mean you know your mom; she’s doing what she always does when stuff like this happens. And Howard decided a good way to explain you’re lack of a presence was to say you were on vacation somewhere in Cuba or something, I don’t know but the media bought it for some stupid reason,” he says. He thinks Rhodey says something else after that but things sort of become white noise for a few moments before he tunes back in to Rhodey gently asking him if he’s okay.

“Howard told the media I was in _Cuba_?” he asks, a spark of anger hitting his brain as he considers this. It only grows when Rhodey nods, still looking worried about Tony. He presses his fingers to his temples and takes a deep, calming breath but when he lets it out it hitches a few times as he holds back another round of tears. “I- look it was nice to see you but I can’t handle this right now. Please come back,” he manages to squeeze out and with that he turns and walks off with his head down to avoid looking at anyone.

*

Tony is under a tree mostly not visible to anyone who would be in the immediate area, which is why he jumps when he hears someone approaching. “Jeeze, you’re jumpy. And new. Are you okay?” James asks. He’s giving Tony this weird, inquisitive look but he doesn’t have time to do what everyone else does and fucking analyze it to reveal some deep truth about him right now. His brain was too full of other things right now.

“I’m fine,” he says in a strangled tone.

James looks entirely unconvinced. “Visitation with someone went bad, I take it,” he states- not asks- states.

“No, not exactly. The visit was fine, it’s everything else that’s fucked up.” _Cuba_. Howard told the media he went to _Cuba_. He didn’t even fucking _like_ Cuba. He preferred to spend time in Aspen if he really wanted alone time. Or Italy. Depended on which house would have the better climate for whatever his plans were at the time.

“Yeah, I know that feeling,” James says empathetically. He sits down by Tony, not too close, but he leaves the conversation there and Tony doesn’t bother to respond for a long time. The air was cooler at this time of year and the leaves rustled in the wind. People liked to claim that nature was good for the soul but Tony mostly hated nature. Sure, it was pretty, but he’s always preferred his technology. He had no interest in nature, and a lot of nature’s mysteries were figured out minus the ocean and Tony had no interest in whatever crazy shit lived in there. So he turned to other mysterious, half figured out things- technological advancement.

Technology was comforting to him, far more that a tree ever would be. People described technology as cold and lifeless but Tony has never seen it that way. Maybe it was because he found technology easier than people. People were finicky and weird and they didn’t make sense and they were temperamental. Technology always needed some kind of update or advancement but it would never fail Tony like people have. He could figure out the technology and what went wrong, he could fix it too, but people? Fixing things with them was next to impossible if they didn’t work with you, and even if they did there were no guarantees. It was hard for him to invest so much into something that could emotionally destroy him if it went wrong. So he preferred technology.

“Sometimes I wish my mind would be quiet,” James says softly.

Tony lets out a short laugh, “me too. Sometimes it feels like my brain is on fire.” It did now, with everything that was going on up there. It was always so much, _too_ much, and he didn’t know how to handle it. Normally he had distractions in his inventions but here he didn’t have much of anything at all.

“Yeah. Me too,” James says. “I’m Bucky, by the way,” he says and Tony jerks himself into a siting position.

“Wait, _what_? Sorry- that was abrupt. I um… know your alter ego. Is that insensitive? Whatever, I know James,” he says.

Bucky’s face turns bright red and in hindsight it was obvious he wasn’t James to begin with. “Sorry…” he says, looking away in obvious embarrassment and something else Tony couldn’t quite identify.

Tony frowns, “for what? James is pretty cool. Not that you aren’t um, that wasn’t the implication- I’m just going to stop now,” he says, consciously making the decision to shut the hell up.

For a moment it looks like Bucky doesn’t know how to process Tony’s words and Tony has to wonder if it was possible for someone to fake being _this_ different from someone else. People said disoci-whatever the fuck James had was faked but Tony knew acting when he saw it. He was _sure_ this wasn’t it. If he had a computer to do _research_ then he would know more but _no_ , he didn’t get that luxury.

“You… James is nice to you?” Bucky asks, looking genuinely confused.

He shrugs, “yeah, he seems to like me okay. Is that… unusual?” He wasn’t the first one to act like James liking him was a big deal, several people including Steve seemed to be confused by it but James seemed fine to him. The problem, Tony thought, was that everyone treated him like he was about to do something shitty and then acted surprised when he did. He knew better than most that if people wanted you to be something bad enough you eventually caved- not because you wanted to, but because you can only hear that you’re X thing so much before you believe it yourself. Then you play the part while people act like they’re surprised that you acted exactly the way they’ve been telling you that you would for years. It was exhausting.

Bucky nods, “yeah, I’d say it’s unusual for a sociopath to like someone,” he says. He seemed pretty perplexed by the idea but Tony is more concerned with the term Bucky used.

“Is that the one that kills people or is that psychopath? I can’t keep up with these fucking labels,” he mumbles more to himself than Bucky. Normally labels were great- sticking a name on something made it easy to identify and categorize- two of Tony’s favorite things when it came to technology because as soon as something was established he liked to fuck it all up by making it a whole new thing. It made people in his field mad and he liked pissing off the entire engineering and scientific community all in one go- sometimes even the military was included in that too. Regardless naming things was useful, except when there were five hundred fucking names for a fucked up human brain. Tony didn’t give a damn what he had, if he even had anything at all, he just wanted to go back home to his lab and his JARVIS.

“There’s a lot of debate on whether or not there’s even a real psychological difference between the pathologies of the-” Bucky starts but Tony cuts him off.

“The kind that kills people, great. Think he might kill me? At this point he’d be doing me a real favor,” he says in a nonchalant tone.

Bucky gives him a worried look for a moment, “are you serious about that?” he asks.

Tony considers it- really considers it- and realizes that he didn’t really care either way. Well and truly didn’t care. He was here because at the moment he had no sure fire way to die and he didn’t feel like inventing one. But he doesn’t tell Bucky any of that. “Obviously not, Bucko, it was a joke. So how’s that work? Switching personalities?” he asks, changing the subject effectively.

Bucky doesn’t believe Tony’s words, he can tell, but he doesn’t comment either so he doesn’t care. “No idea. He’s more aware of me than I am of him. I didn’t even know he existed until last year- I just… lost time and thought I drank too much or something.”

If he drank enough to be blacking out for days he had bigger problems than a probable psychopath in his head- Tony would know. It took a _lot_ to lose that much time, especially regularly. “So how’d you figure it out?” he asks, fully aware that that’s an invasive question to ask. He half hopes Bucky will walk away.

He doesn’t, he just shrugs. “Some girl called me James- I don’t go by James and never have. I mean it’s my first name but I always went by my second- Buchanan- and even then I almost only use ‘Bucky’. So it was weird, especially when she gave me a _really_ detailed account of what happened. After that it I just followed the trail,” he says.

Jesus. Tony wouldn’t ever want to wake up one day to have to follow breadcrumbs that led to discovering someone else also occupied his head. “That sucks,” he says for lack of anything better.

Bucky shrugs, “yeah. Kinda does, especially since James is determined to make everyone hate me in particular. Don’t know what I ever did to him but whatever,” Bucky mumbles. Tony actually had the answer to that- Bucky dared to be the original, which meant he got to live and James got a metaphorical death- but he leaves that alone for now. “So what landed you here?” he asks.

He probably should have expected that given his own personal line of questioning but he doesn’t for some stupid reason. “My dad thinks the shrinks can shrink my gay away,” he lies and Bucky looks horrified.

“Oh my god, seriously?” he asks and Tony snorts.

“No, of course not. I’m bisexual- but I’d never tell my dad that. I don’t really feel like getting my ass kicked and this isn’t a conversion camp anyways. I’m here because my mom seems to think I should be. I don’t, by the way,” he says.

Bucky sighs, “I can see why James likes you with all your _wildly_ inappropriate jokes and invasive questions when you aren’t willing to give any information about yourself. And if you’re here you need to be, they don’t take patients who don’t need it,” he says, standing up.

Tony frowns, “did you just compare me to a psychopath? Because I’d make a terrible Dexter Morgan. First of all forensics isn’t even in my top ten careers I’d take on if I had no other choice,” he says, realizing he was sort of proving Bucky’s point too late.

“I have stuff to do,” Bucky says, making the world’s shittiest excuse before turning on his heel and leaving.

Tony waits a few moments before leaning around the tree, “nice to meet you!” he yells after Bucky, who doesn’t respond.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve had to admit Bucky’s annoyance over Tony was kind of funny. “Stop laughing, he’s an asshole,” he says, clearly expecting sympathy.

“Yeah, kind of,” Steve agrees. “But it’s not because he’s like James. He’s just scared of making friends, I think.” He was really good at trying to reach out but only until someone else tried the same and then he pulled back a little. He had no idea what happened with that guy who came to see him but it hadn’t ended well given that Tony stormed out. Bucky had bad timing finding him after that.

“Well he seems to have done just fine with James. People keep talking about it,” Bucky says, casting a suspicious look around. Steve didn’t blame him given James’ usual antics but Tony was… well Steve didn’t know what Tony was to James. Usually he hated everyone and happily told them so but with Tony he was weirdly attached.

“Sure he does but James isn’t exactly overly willing to share unless there’s some kind of reason,” Steve points out. Usually making people uncomfortable, more often than not through his diagnosis. Personally Steve thought it was a convenient shield that he used to protect himself from the rest of the world- it was easier to shove his diagnoses in someone’s face than risk rejection when they found out like Bucky did. That and James is an asshole.

Bucky continues to sulk and Steve lets him, figuring if he had the bad timing of finding his other personality’s new best friend right after he went through some kind of trauma he might want to sulk too. “You look… better,” Bucky tells him eventually.

Steve knows it’s a compliment logically but better meant he gained weight and he can’t help the immediate thought of calculating everything he ate that day- that _week_. “Steve,” Bucky says softly, shifting so he’s closer to him and he shakes his head, trying unsuccessfully to avoid thinking about what he was stuck with for dinner.

“I’m fine,” he lies just like he always does. Peggy said he had a fear of being helped, which she found somewhat amusing considering his near compulsive need to help people. She wasn’t wrong. He hated when people went out of their way to dote on him but he hated people go without help they needed it.

For a moment Bucky clearly considers calling him on his obviously bullshit opinion but he doesn’t. Instead he sighs, “what’s Tony even like. You seem to know him well,” he says eventually.

He relaxes because Tony was a subject he was comfortable with. “He’s… I don’t know. He’s got a lot of personality,” he says for lack of a better way to describe Tony Stark.

“What do you think he has?” Bucky asks and Steve shakes his head and snorts. And that’s what it always came back to here though he guessed he shouldn’t expect more out of a mental hospital.

“Depression for sure,” Steve says. “He’s good at covering whatever he’s feeling with humor but its pretty obvious he’s fucked up somewhere in there.” He was jumpy, Steve noticed, and he whenever he wasn’t completely unconcerned with whatever was happening around him he looked like he was paying too much attention.

“Hmm. Better than having another person living in your head,” Bucky mumbles. Yeah, Steve really couldn’t disagree with that.

*

Rhodey was sort of surprised Tony gave his therapist permission to talk to him given that he knew almost everything there was to know about Tony. Unless Tony was hiding more from him than he thought and he didn’t think Rhodey had anything useful to say. Or alternatively that he thought Rhodey talking to Pepper might get him something. With Tony it was hard to tell what his motivations were and he tells Pepper that.

She frowns, “most people don’t tend to like people like that- its makes it difficult to know where you stand with them if you don’t know what they want half the time.”

He laughs, “oh Tony will tell you exactly where he stands with you- he’s pretty adamant about it. He’s just not so clear on anything beyond that and he’s too smart to do things without considering the consequences first.”

Pepper considers this for a moment, “and do you think he considered…” she trails off, knowing he knew what she meant. He wonders if she trailed off to spare him remembering finding Tony- if so she didn’t succeed.

“Yeah,” Rhodey says softly. “I wish he didn’t but even his stupid impulsive decisions are thought out, usually pretty well. Most people think he makes snap decisions but he doesn’t, not really. When you can process information as fast as he can impulsive stops being possible.” Once when Rhodey asked Tony what the hell he was thinking after he pulled one of his usual stupid stunts he had been shocked when Tony gave him a rather large laundry list of things he considered before releasing two hundred birds onto Justin Hammer’s house. When he started asking Tony what he was thinking more often he had been surprised to learn that Tony wasn’t nearly as impulsive as people thought he was.

“And what’s your take on what happened?” Pepper asks.

He opens his mouth and then closes it for a moment because what he was about to say would sound crazy. But then he was talking to a therapist so what the hell? “I… he told me he was curious and I believe that. I think he didn’t sleep for a long time- like usual, that he was stressed, and that whatever went through his mind sounded like a good idea because he was curious about what would happen next. He’s all about what happens next, he’s always looking ahead.” So much so that he didn’t really look at what was in front of him and he almost never looked backwards. It made him difficult to deal with on the best of days.

“Curiosity?” Pepper asks, raising an eyebrow. “About _what_?”

Rhodey shrugs, “no idea, he didn’t specify. But Tony is always curious about something and I don’t think this is an exception. To be honest I’m surprised he hasn’t made some weird contraption just to entertain himself.” Tony has done crazier things with less motivation- like the birds and Hammer. And all of this was because Hammer once told Tony he didn’t like his tie, which resulted in Tony telling Hammer his jacket was cheap, which led to one of the most Rich White GuyTM fights Rhodey has ever witnessed. He probably would have found the whole thing stupid and ridiculous if not for the fact that he actually liked Tony and after five seconds with Hammer he knew why Tony hated him so much. The guy was an _ass_ and not a secretly sweet one like Tony.

“Tony doesn’t have access to technology right now, he can’t build himself anything,” Pepper says and Rhodey starts laughing.

“Oh, you do _not_ want to do that. Tony and tech are like… you shouldn’t separate them, he doesn’t. No wonder he hates it here, y’all basically ripped a limb off.” Not the best comparison, he knew, but it was the most accurate one he could think of. Tony talked to his creations; he loved them like they were children. Actually Rhodey is about ninety percent certain that if Tony had kids he’d probably love his technology more.

“Tony uses technology as an escape from the real world- it’s not exactly the most useful coping mechanism considering Maria has told me he’s all but addicted to inventing and you’ve alluded to it,” Pepper points out.

Yeah, that was probably true- the addiction bit- but he still didn’t think it was a good idea to force Tony away from technology entirely. “Look, you either give him a little something to occupy his time- and technology is probably your easiest bet- or he’s going to find something to occupy his time and you aren’t going to like it. He has a talent for finding the biggest, meanest asshole in the room and finding some way to entertain himself with them. It usually doesn’t end well.” Something he says obviously clicks with Pepper and she sighs.

“And what would you suggest, then? You know him better than I do,” she says when Rhodey looks confused.

“Um. No idea, just make sure he has some way to occupy his time because he will probably do some crazy stupid thing that will make a mess and cleaning up after him isn’t fun,” he says.

Pepper raises an eyebrow, “do you do that often, clean up after him?” she asks.

He shrugs, “probably more than he should. I know he should clean up his own messes considering he _made_ them but it’s hard to watch him struggle.” When Rhodey met him Tony barely knew anything about anything that mattered given how much of a privileged bubble he grew up in. Dude thought bananas were ten bucks apiece and assumed that fifty dollars was basically a poor man’s quarter. Rhodey god damn _wished_ that was a poor man’s quarter. He didn’t know much about racism either, and had been pretty confused when he saw a lot of it directed towards Rhodey, and god help that idiot and learning about sexism. His mother about beat Tony’s ass within five second of meeting him because he made a stupid sexist comment and honestly Rhodey was not willing to stand up for Tony to his mother. That would mean certain death for him and he didn’t want his momma to beat his ass.

Point was after years of having to teach Tony about everything and anything that wasn’t immediately tangible to a billionaire white dude he was used to swooping in and saving his ass from whatever dumb thing he did now. It would have been useful, Rhodey thinks, to teach him to actually do things on his own but he guessed Tony was used to people doing things for him and he had, albeit unwittingly, played right into that. Hindsight was useful now, but at the time he just couldn’t let this dumbass rich kid go on thinking bananas were _ten fucking dollars_ and now they both had to deal with the fallout of that. At least, Rhodey thinks, Tony now knew that fifty dollars was a lot of money to people who had none and that bananas were not priced like rich people chocolates.

*

Tony finds Steve staring at his food intently at dinner and Bucky- and it was definitely still Bucky considering James had a lot more menacing glare- sitting beside him. “Hey,” he says, eyeing Steve’s pasta. That looked a fuckload more appetizing than his… whatever the fuck was on his plate. He’d have to confirm with Rhodey but clearly this was the kind of shit that was found in American school lunches, Rhodey used to complain about them all the time even though he never had to eat bad cafeteria food again. Well now Tony was stuck with it.

“Fuck off,” Bucky says and Tony thinks the tone is supposed to be forceful but that was… not.

Steve looks shocked though, “Bucky!” he says, obviously offended on Tony’s behalf.

Bucky continues to glare at Tony for a few moments before wilting, “how come people go away when James does it?” he asks Steve.

“Probably because James looks fucking terrifying when he tells people to fuck off and you look like a stuffed Pomeranian. Seriously, you’re about as menacing as a particularly scared Chihuahua,” Tony tells him. Except Chihuahuas were more stubborn than Bucky was. Steve snorts and tries his best to not laugh while Bucky turns his irritated glare his way.

“Traitor,” he mumbles and Steve shrugs.

“It’s not my fault its true,” he says. “So Tony,” Steve says to change the subject, “I saw that visiting hours went terribly.”

Well, he guessed he could only escape that for so long. “Yeah. Turns out my dad told everyone I’m in Cuba on vacation instead of growing balls and admitting where I really am,” he mumbles, annoyed with this whole conversation even though it only just started.

Bucky throws his hands up and shakes his head, “oh so you tell him!” he says, rolling his eyes.

“It isn’t fresh anymore, leave me be. And since when do I owe you my life story?” Tony snaps.

“Your dad sounds like a real dick,” Steve says, blatantly ignoring Tony and Bucky glaring at each other.

“You don’t owe me your life story, but you could have avoided prying for mine if you weren’t willing to share,” Bucky mumbles.

“He is,” Tony says to Steve. “And buddy no one asked you to spill your guts, okay, you chose to do that and I chose not to. Get over it, Twinkle Toes.”

“Why Cuba?” Steve asks, still ignoring him and Bucky’s argument.

“Don’t call me Twinkle Toes. And I didn’t even spill my guts; I just answered some simple goddamn questions! You were the one who made like five hundred inappropriate jokes,” Bucky tells him, leaning into the table to glare at Tony but two inches closer this time. He was hardly more inclined to be frightened now then he was ten seconds ago.

“I don’t know, I don’t even like Cuba that much,” Tony says to Steve. “And I’ll call you whatever I want, _snookums_. I’m still entitled to my privacy. And my bad jokes.”

“You told me your dad sent you here to pray the gay away! That’s _offensive_!” Bucky tells him, waving an arm around.

“I’m bisexual, it doesn’t count if your part of the community, shut up about it,” Tony says, rolling his eyes.

“I’m pansexual,” Steve says, trying again to derail the conversation but Bucky doesn’t let it go.

“You’re an _asshole_ ,” Bucky hisses at him.

Tony snorts, “grab a number and get in line with all the other people waiting for me to give a shit,” he tells him.

At this Steve stands up and glares at them, looking shockingly scary for a dude who looked like a strong wind could snap him in four. “If you two don’t shut the fuck up I am going to make some shit up that gets you both banned from TV,” he says.

“I already don’t have that,” Tony says.

“James got me banned since the nurses can’t tell who is who so,” Bucky shrugs.

Steve sighs and sits back down, “stop being difficult and annoying or else I’ll find some way to annoy you as much as you’ve been annoying me,” he tells them.

Bucky and Tony exchange a look, “do you have any privileges?” Bucky asks. Tony shakes his head and Bucky turns back to Steve, “yeah, good luck with that endeavor. And you- I don’t like you,” Bucky tells him.

Tony shrugs, “that’s your loss.” Steve looks painfully resigned to putting up with this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the update took so long! But here it is!

“So how the hell did you end up with anorexia? Girls I get, but guys? We aren’t exactly told to be smaller,” Tony says. He knew that better than most, probably, given how short he was. Even photographers made him stand on boxes to make him seem taller than he was for PR shit. Men were supposed to have a presence and apparently you couldn’t be short and have a presence, or otherwise small. Steve sort of fit the bill on all accounts there too given that he wasn’t exactly tall and Tony got the feeling even without an eating disorder he wouldn’t be all that large. He’d catch flack for it too, so why go _smaller_?

Steve looks over at Tony and shakes his head, “you really aren’t shy,” he says.

Tony shrugs, “never felt the need to pussyfoot around what I really mean. Seriously though, what happened?” He almost doesn’t expect an answer, it was a pretty personal question after all, but Steve lets out a long sigh.

“I grew up poor, you know that. And at first… at first it was just a way to save money, you eat less and you pay less in groceries, ma and I both ate like shit to manage it anyways. I don’t know exactly when things went from restricting my diet to just not eating, but eventually it was like a challenge. See how long I could go before I’d just pass out because my body had nothing to run on. Then my mom noticed and all but forced me to eat so I had to learn to work around that, which basically led to me learning how to lie really well, which led to a bunch of other shit and now I’m here,” Steve says, shaking his head.

Tony frowns as he considers this. “So you stopped eating… because you don’t think you’re worth the cost of the food?” he asks, because that’s what it sounded like. From the surprised look on Steve’s face he hadn’t considered that.

“Yeah I guess. The money could be useful elsewhere,” Steve mumbles, looking away.

“Like what, your funeral costs? Because that shit isn’t cheap and you’re like two missed meals away from death. I’m not saying that to be an asshole either,” Tony says seriously. “Besides, this can’t be cheap either,” he gestures around, “at this point it’s cheaper to eat.” Steve draws a skinny leg to his chest and continues to look at the ground because logically he knew Tony was right, but from what he knew about these things they sort of ended up more of a compulsion after awhile. Tony knew a thing or two about continuing to do stuff he knew didn’t do him much good even though he wanted to stop.

“Believe me, I know,” he mumbles. He looked pissed off but Tony gets the feeling that its directed at himself, not Tony.

“So how’d Bucky get here anyways? Or James? Probably James, lets be real Bucky is pretty calm,” he says. He might not like Tony and he was happy to let him know that but he wasn’t as intent on breaking the rules as James was. Tony wanted to know where he got that laptop of his because it would be useful to him but sadly Bucky didn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.

“Ask James, I’m sure he’ll be willing to answer you but Bucky will definitely tell you to fuck off,” Steve tells him, relieved that Tony changed the subject.

“Pretty sure he’d tell me to fuck off for just existing, to be honest. I made a bad joke or two and now the guy hates me, he needs to lighten up,” Tony says.

“Or you could open up a little. You expect people to tell you everything but when people ask about you you talk without really saying anything at all. You can’t blame a guy for finding the habit a tad annoying,” Steve says, shrugging.

Yeah, Bucky wasn’t the only one who found that annoying but it was one of those habits Tony couldn’t help. It felt better if he knew everything about everyone and they knew nothing about him. It meant they were vulnerable and he wasn’t and that was an extra layer of security that logically he probably didn’t need but felt compelled to have anyways.

“No,” he mumbles, “I guess you can’t.”

*

Tony paces the room while Pepper watches. “I’m curious about why you think you have no real reason to be here, the _actual_ reason, not the one where you pretend you think psychology is fake,” she tells him.

“Do you have any real proof I _don’t_ think that?” he asks.

“Well, reading everything in psychology you can in the library was an indicator,” she says.

She shouldn’t look so smug; books were the only things he had to entertain himself. “Well I need to keep myself occupied somehow, it’s not like I’ve got anything else to occupy my time,” he mumbles.

Pepper nods, “Rhodey seems to think technology is a good way to occupy your time,” she says.

“Rhodey is right. And awesome.” He reminds himself to thank Rhodey for being the best the next time he saw him, especially since he had a bad habit of being an asshole to him. It wasn’t something he _meant_ to do per se, and not something he really wanted to continue doing, but it always seemed unavoidable at the time. Stupid excuse but this was always where he ended up, like he was running in circles and going nowhere fast.

“Rhodey has a bad habit of enabling you because he doesn’t like to see you struggle. The problem is that struggling within reason is learning so for now his opinion is noted and you’re still on a technology ban,” she says. Tony was _so_ tempted to flip her off but that felt childish and a little mean so he settles for what was probably a pretty poisonous glare. Pepper doesn’t appear bothered by him at all. “But back to my original question,” she says, raising an eyebrow like she knew Tony thought he wiggled out of that one when he didn’t. Therapy sucked.

“Look, there are about a billion shitty things happening in the world. You know, like war, and sexism, and racism and stuff. And none of that’s happening to me, ergo I have no problems, can be released now?” he asks.

Pepper frowns, “living a privileged life hardly excludes you from having problems, Tony. It just means that your problems aren’t usually rooted in institutional discrimination. Given your long history of abuse alone I’d say you need therapy and that doesn’t include recent events or any of the things I’ve learned about you thus far,” she says.

Fucking great, he was still stuck here. “So my childhood sucked, I got over it,” he says, waving a hand around dismissively.

“Have you?” Pepper asks and she appears to be serious about that too.

He thinks of giving her a flippant response but he considers it for a long moment instead. “I can’t do anything to change it, might as well not dwell on it,” he mumbles bitterly.

“But you do,” Pepper states more than asks. “Its natural to be angry you know, most people in your position would be.”

“Is this the part where you tell me forgiveness will make me feel better? Because it won’t, forgiveness is for idiots and suckers,” he tells her.

Pepper shakes her head; “most people think that anger is always a negative thing to feel because they don’t necessarily understand the function of anger. They think its something to get rid of, and they aren’t wrong, but not fully processing your anger and actually examining _why_ you’re angry to begin with is detrimental. So if you’re angry then so be it- anger is a hard emotion to feel. When you’re done with it, it’ll go.”

“And forgiveness?” he asks.

“Seen as a natural progression to letting your anger go, but you can move on without forgiveness. Some people don’t deserve it,” she says.

Well then, that was better than anything else he’s been told. “So why do you think I’m here? aside from the obvious,” he says.

“Do I have a diagnoses for you, you mean?” she asks.

He shrugs, “whatever. Do you?”

“No. I need more information before I start throwing diagnoses around. If I get it wrong the affects on you won’t be pleasant, but I have ideas.” Ideas, great. So there _was_ something wrong with him and now it was only a matter or time before he found out what. “It isn’t something to be afraid of Tony. Its… when you find a problem with whatever it is you’re inventing you find it and fix it, right? This is the same idea- clearly something isn’t working for you but finding out what it is makes it possible to manage. You can’t fix what you don’t know is wrong, and knowing what’s wrong allows you to find a proper solution,” she says.

“Medication, I assume?” he asks.

“Possibly, but not necessarily. Some people don’t need medication for their problems, some do, but most people do best with a combination of medication and therapy,” she explains. Tony sighs and looks out the small window Pepper had in her office for a long moment.

“Can I at least have TV privileges?” he asks.

*

“Aww, what the hell?” Bucky asks, spying Tony by the TV. He looks around, finding no one watching so he walks in because he was absolutely going to complain about this.

Tony looks smug, “Pepper felt bad for me,” he says. Bucky looks at the TV and he’s surprised to find a Wonder Woman cartoon playing.

“Wonder Woman?” he asks. “You seem more like a Captain America guy,” he says.

Tony makes an annoyed face, “no fucking thanks. My asshat father was always on an _on_ about how great he was- he grew up with the comics. First off Captain America is a sanctimonious prick, second, Diana can do everything Cap does except ten times better and she’s like eight times hotter. Therefore she is better. And also the Lasso of Truth is pretty badass. You seem like a Batman fan,” he says.

“Batman is a dickhead and also what kind of freak dresses up like a bat and expects people to take them seriously?” he asks. He’d never understand that. A _bat_? Really?

“I like Batman. Well, stealthy ninja Batman, not weirdly buff Batman who just punches stuff mostly,” Tony says, clearly weighing the pros and cons of all the Batman incarnations over the years.

“Batman sucks but Wonder Woman is good. I’m just surprised you’d like her,” he says.

Tony squints at him, “why exactly? She’s a cool character, what’s not to like?”

“I just figured you’d like a character more like… you,” he says. That was reasonable, he thinks.

“And you chose _Captain America_ for that? What the hell do I have in common with that asshole?” A lot but Bucky chooses to pick his battles.

“Whatever. Just don’t tell anyone I watched TV with you and I’ll refrain from comparing you to Captain America again,” he says.

For a moment Tony looks like he’s going to fight it but eventually he sighs. They sit in silence for awhile before Tony speaks again, “you really want to know why I’m here?” he asks.

Yeah, he did, but he didn’t really want to push Tony either. Just because he didn’t like Tony didn’t mean he wanted to be a dick about it. “You actually want to tell me?” he asks.

“No, but Pepper says I should be more open. I was curious,” he says and Bucky squints.

“Curious? Is that like… a code?” he asks. Because if it wasn’t he had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

Tony shakes his head, “no. It’s an explanation. Everyone else thought it was a suicide attempt but it wasn’t. I just wanted to know what would happen and there was blood, and then there was _too much_ blood, but then you know. I passed out from blood loss and that’s how Rhodey found me probably not long after by my calculations,” he says.

“So you…?” he trails off, letting the question ask itself.

“Deep slice across the wrist. If I wanted to die I would have cut _down_ my arm, not across it. I’m a genius and people thought I couldn’t figure out suicide? Really?” he asks, sounding oddly annoyed about that. Like he was irritated that people underestimated his intelligence instead of being upset about you know, the fucking cut on one of his wrists. Bucky glances down but Tony is wearing a long sleeved shirt so he doesn’t see anything noteworthy. Probably purposeful.

“Most people don’t do it right on the first try,” Bucky says. “So I mean you wouldn’t be alone.”

“One, I already told you I wasn’t trying to die. And two, did no one assume that I would heavily calculate the logistics of my own death? Come on, if I wanted to die I wouldn’t be here,” he says. “Rhodey must have believed me because he never doubted my story,” he mumbles, staring at the ground.

Bucky considers this for a moment before he sighs. “Why are you so afraid of that? Your supposed curiosity or whatever,” he says.

“I’m not,” Tony tells him.

“You are enough to keep it to yourself in a room full of people who all have more fucked up things going for them than that. Not to be a dick, but self-harm is kind of run of the mill around here. And there’s not a lot that out crazies having two people living in your head so why go through so much trouble to keep it to yourself when you definitely know I’m more fucked up?” he asks.

Tony looks at him for a long moment before he starts laughing, “seriously?” he asks with that weird smile still on his face. “That’s a real question?”

Bucky frowns, “yeah?” he asks more than states thanks to Tony’s weird reaction.

“You’re asking a guy who has spent his entire lifetime in the limelight why he chose not to tell people he slit his wrist out of _curiosity_? Come on, you’re not stupid so don’t act it. Everyone knows what happens to famous people who go crazy and lets not act like the mentally ill automatically keep their mouths shut to the press. No idiot would tell anyone anything in my position,” he says, rolling his eyes as that odd almost manic smile drops from his face, replaced with his previous annoyance.

To be fair Bucky hadn’t considered that at all. “Why tell me now?” he asks.

“Like you said, you’re crazier than me. You could tell the press about my wrist, but I could tell them you’re a two-for-one deal and nothing you say is credible ever again. Makes you trustworthy enough,” he says. At least he doesn’t look proud of that line of reasoning because he shouldn’t be. But Bucky understood why he’d react that way if he’s had people with cameras chase him around all his life trying to get the latest scoop on his daily actions even if he thought that was a real shitty way to rationalize his sharing.

“That’s fucked up,” he says eventually.

“Yup,” Tony agrees. “But that’s normal when you don’t know who to trust.”

“I can see why James likes you,” Bucky says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“You’ve already told me that,” he points out.

“Yeah, but last time it was because you were a dickhead. This time its because you both do that- find some way to break a person before you share anything worthwhile about yourselves. That’s a messed up thing to do, make sure you have enough ways to blackmail a person before you risk vulnerability.”

“As apposed to what, just letting people fuck you over?” Tony asks.

“No. As apposed to actually getting to know someone and letting them know you. Shitty people will always find a way to screw you over no matter what you have on them, good people won’t,” he says.

“Yeah well that’s a method that hasn’t worked well for me in the past,” Tony mumbles.

“Me either, but I’d rather find out that person sucks than become them,” he says. Tony gives him a look before he shakes his head, clearly dismissing this and turning back to Wonder Woman. They sit in relative silence for a few more moments before an orderly spies Bucky on the couch and shoos him out. Tony immediately takes over the entire couch and Bucky rolls his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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